Beer #14- Atwater Brewery's "Vanilla Java Porter"

I hate Michigan. I grew up in Nashville with a father and uncles who bred their children to be rabid Ohio State fans. Although I have only been to Ohio once, and have fought many SEC fans who challenge my devotion to the Big 10, the only thing I can say is, "I was brought up this way". I have to hate Michigan. As much as I realized my blind bigotry as I got older, the familiar, fast-burning burning desire to plow my car into any bumper that mentioned a wolverine was a sensation that was innate. I couldn't get rid of it, and I won't. But I had to push these feelings back, albeit briefly, to taste this Michigan brewery's attempt to make a great beer for the masses.

I love Porters. The history of how Porters were originated is almost too romantic and manly to be true. As I poured the glass, my fond appreciation for this craftsmanship of beer started to make the foremost thoughts of Michigan in a glass disappear. The pour was familiar, dark black with a creamy head.

When I pushed my nose in the beer I was surprised at the sweet vanilla smell that overwhelmed my senses. It was almost pleasant, but then I remembered that this was a Porter, and Porters are inherently crafted to not smell this sweet.

The taste is what made me realize Atwater's complete disrespect for this historical brew. Sweet vanilla overwhelmed every taste bud. There was barely any bitter, Victorian, dark coffee grounded, historical, manly taste. Vanilla. "How the hell did they get it this sweet?" I thought as I turned the bottle around, eyeing it angrily.

Vanilla extract. Vanilla effing extract. And it had to be put in at the secondary fermentation. Those bastards.

Don't. Ever. Use. Extract. In. The. Secondary. Fermentation.

This, of course, is a personal rule. I don't expect all of you to agree. But to do this on a Porter. It is an outrage. This is a complete disrespect for any of those who have gone before you, Atwater. My rage at you is beyond my Michigan dislike, it is now a rage doubled by your ineptitude at having this wonderful gift and responsibility; Beer making.

The bottle should simply say this; "You like Frappuccinos?!! DRINK ME!!"

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I give Atwater Brewery's "Vanilla Java Porter" a deeply offended 20.


Look: n/a
Smell: n/a
Taste: n/a



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Brett's ratings are out of 100.

*Please understand that ratings on this scale have been influenced by my scholastic history of grading. A grade below 75 is not good, it is less than average. A beer below 60 is bad. Beers in the 90s are in the upper-echelon of beers on this earth, and above 95- divinely inspired.*

As with all connoisseurs, personal taste affects all ratings. The best ratings tend to lean towards his two different biases; 1) Well-crafted heavy Stouts and 2) Lagers made with a simple perfection.

Please understand that just because Brett gives a beer a high rating doesn't mean you may think it is good. Only understand that if he gives it a high rating it is because most people who have a good taste in beer would do the same.